First Family Day- A Year With Aiden Bao Quoc

As APs know, we are often told our children are so lucky. We also know that WE are the lucky ones. Thanks to Jess for introducing me this song and to my fellow CaMau Mama Em for reminding me of it with her amazing one year video. If you turn up the volume really loud for the first 10 seconds, you can hear me gasp when Aiden enters the room.

PS- many many tears were shed in the making of this video

PPS- look for a post on how we celebrated in the next few days

PPPS- Happy Family Day to my fellow travelmates and to Aiden's friends- Sofie, Maile, Lily, Ethan and Pac.

PPPS- watch the video already, okay? :D

11.30.08

One year ago today, I held my son for the very first time.
I have been reliving the day over and over these past few days. Waking up at the crack of dawn to go to the airport. The fried egg sandwich with soggy lettuce we ate for breakfast.Waiting at the airport, full of nerves, excitement and anticipation.
Diane calling me over to her side of the plane for my first glimpse of Ca Mau from the air After a quick breakfast at the hotel, we headed out. The drive to the Relief Center seemed so short- I was engrossed in taking in all of the sights.
As soon as we turned in to the center, I remember by eyes filling with tears. I was moments away from holding my son for the very first time. I can't even type this without crying. The emotions were like none I had ever felt before.
We all sat at a conference table. I couldn't tell you one thing that was said (I do have it on video though). Just bring me my baby already! And then, the babies started arriving. I started videotaping (you will see this tomorrow). I was almost relieved that there were other babies coming in first. I needed a bit of time to calm my nerves. But as you will see in the video, Aiden Bao suddenly came in from another area of the Relief Center. A sweet older woman was holding him. As I spent some time with her, it was obvious the love she had for Bao Quoc. One of my biggest regrets was not having someone translate everything she said to me and not asking her more questions. I am currently working on finding out who this amazing woman is.
So after Aiden made his entrance, they placed him in my arms. I couldn't believe how light he was! And he was so inquisitive. It didn't take long to get a smile. Oh, Gram got a turn to hold him too!
We went and spent time in the baby room, getting to know our babies. It was here I first noticed all of the bug bites and scars. It's amazing how quickly those cleared up.The time went too too fast, but after lunch, we were going back. After lunch on the rooftop bar, we headed out for supplies. This is where I lost my mother of the year award- I bought the wrong formula and was rewarded with a MAJOR blowout in the Tax Center when we were back in Saigon. Aiden was asleep when we got back so I spent some time with the older children. These beautiful amazing kids are on my mind alot, even a year later. There was one, with major hydrocephalus and bedridden, that often haunts me in my dreams. I held her hand...how I wish I could have done more... And the little girl in pink? I would have taken her home in a heartbeat if I could have. I did spend time holding her- she held on for dear life and it was hard for me to put her down.We spent a little more time with the babies and then it was time to say our good byes. It was the last night Aiden was spend at the Ca Mau Relief Center. It was the last night I would have to spend away from my son. It was hard to leave, but at the same time the whole day was emotionally exhausting. I was glad to have a night to rest and get ready to be become a mom. I was getting ready to fulfill a lifelong dream. A year ago tomorrow is where the life I always dreamed of and yearned for finally began...

Thankful

I am thankful to be home, with Aiden, celebrating Thanksgiving with my family. Our first Thanksgiving as a family. Last year, my mom and I were on a adventure of a lifetime, traveling to Vietnam. We had lunch in the Dallas airport (Chili's maybe?). This is where we met up with some of our travel group. When we got to San Francisco, the pickings for dinner were slim. I do remember the beer tasting great after almost 10 hours of travel and many, many more in front of us. Don't get me wrong, the company was great and I wasn't sad about missing a huge dinner- I was going to be united with my son after all. It's just nice to be home...with Aiden!

I am thankful for my health and my healthy son

I am thankful for friends (bloggy friends included) and coworkers

I am thankful for family, friends and chosen family.

I am thankful for Aiden's first mom

And I am thankful for this little boy who is such a joy in my life. It's overwhelming and the tears flowed at the Thanksgiving table today. Happy Thanksgiving!

Silence...it's not always golden

When will I learn? When things are too quiet, something is up. This evening when we got home, I had to carry in groceries, my school bag, a workout bag and Aiden. I brought the groceries upstairs so I could put things in the refrigerator and freezer. Aiden stayed downstairs. He had carried a broom in from the garage. I heard him sweeping. Then I heard him in the almost converted toy room. I tried to get things put away while he was occupied. I soon realized the house was silent. Time to go check things out. When I saw Aiden sitting on the steps, I knew he was up to something so I did what any good mom would do- I grabbed the camera.

One of the things I left downstairs was my lunch cooler. And it wasn't empty. Aiden took it upon himself to serve up a pre dinner snack. Perhaps it was an appetizer....at least it was healthy!

It was all good until I told him I had to be the one to carry it upstairs. Life can be so unfair.

Have no fear, all was right with the world again, once Aiden had his key lime yogurt back.

And speaking of all being right with the world, guess who Aiden met this weekend? He was in awe...

Favorite Photo Friday

We have had 2 photo sessions this fall. The first was in late September. Erica took some amazing pictures of Aiden. Amazing. You can check out more of her work here. She is trying to start her professional business and is a finalist in a contest for a free Pro-Account Website. Please vote for #5- Erica- here (she's in 3rd place right now!). I would love to see my deserving friend (and mama to one of Aiden's best buds) win!At the end of October, my friend Audi and her sister took pictures of Aiden and me. It was FREEZING cold and they still got some great shots! This was my baby gift from Audi (hey, we got it in before it had been a year since my shower). Such a great gift! She sent me over 100 shots so I am just posting a few now. My absolute favorite? Of course it was one of the random, at the end of the shoot, mama's already in her coat shot. But I love it....and it will have to wait to be revealed on the Christmas card and in Aiden's one year video. Wow- our one year video will be posted in less than 2 weeks. Can that be possible?

Happy Half Birthday- Then and Now!

Hard to believe that last year on Aiden's half birthday, I hadn't held him in my arms yet. I was a bit sad to be spending another special day away from him, but I decided to make the best of it and celebrate his life so far and celebrate the fact that very soon I would be holding my son. I brought cupcakes in the next day for my students so we could celebrate together. Before I could pass out the cupcakes, something BIG happened- I got my travel call! It was a total shock since I was told I would be in Vietnam for Christmas. After I called my mom, who had to sit down because she was about to pass out thinking about leaving for Vietnam in less than two weeks, I posted this on my then private blog:

I can't wait for school to be over to post this-
I am going to Vietnam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have to be there on November 29th. That's all I know right now. I have TONS to do!

So the celebration turned into a half-birthday, leaving for Vietnam party! You can see pictures here and read about my student who correctly predicted the day I would hold my son (I had completely forgotten about that until I went back and read it!).

And today, Aiden's 2nd half birthday.

He is now closer to 2 than 1. Hard to believe. I find myself reduced to tears a lot these days (good tears): remembering all of the special memories from this time last year; feeling overwhelmed with the amount of love I have for my son; feeling grateful for his presence. I will never ever take for granted the fact that I have this little boy in my life. Just looking at this sweet face brings tears to my eyes.


I stare in utter amazement, wishing I knew what he was thinking...

All the while, wondering how I got so lucky. I can't imagine life without him.

Happy Half Birthday Aiden Bao Quoc!

Ma Hep

"Ma ha" is one of Aiden's favorite phrases. He says ma ha a lot; when he wants more (even though he says more too), when he wants to hold something or do something. Today I heard something new: ma hep. He was at the top of the stairs. It was 10 minutes before we had to leave for church. Evidently Aiden wanted to help. I was busy putting things in his diaper bag so I didn't pay much attention. My mistake. Aiden wanted to "hep" by bringing the cat food dish...full of food, downstairs. I have to say, I was impressed that he made it all of the way to the landing without spilling any food. He was even wearing my school keys around his neck. Of course he then felt the need to "hep" clean it up. Love that boy!

Sweet Tooth?

You be the judge....



The candy is almost gone. Thank goodness because Aiden knows each and every hiding place. He hasn't been getting it every day. But he certainly asks...and melts down when I say no. And two more videos, just because....just because I finally uploaded ALL of my videos off the camera that have been on there since July. Yikes. That's going to take me a while to sort through...

This is a brief version of Aiden's hiding game. At least I knew where the remote went. He's getting very good at hiding things when I'm not looking. He will then say "hhmmmm" and throw up his hands- my clue to look for it!



Aiden has been quite a parrot lately. He is adding words to his vocabulary like crazy. I can't keep up anymore. Aiden is also putting to words together. The cutest ones are "oh cool" and "got it". Of course he won't say them for the camera. But I did catch this new word on camera tonight. Oh, I do know how to spell- just can't figure out how to change the title now that it's uploaded. On to Aiden cuteness!

A New Day

Saturday was a new day. Eight hours of sleep for me, plenty of sleep for Aiden too. The weather has been gorgeous the last few days. Lots of outside play time. I won't mention the trip to the mall....I think we would both rather forget it. Other than that, it was a fantastic day.

Today's high is 70. Yippee! Aiden will get lots of outside time...at Grandma's and Grandpa's house. I will be taking him there after church today and he will spend the night. Shopping with a friend and time to clean the house before the carpet cleaners come. Exciting, I know. I am hoping to get laundry done and make it to the gym too. Maybe even watch a little tv.

Thanks for all of the kind comments and emails. It truly meant a lot to me. Sometimes I have a very hard time admitting I can't do it all. And Friday I reached my breaking point. Lack of sleep, not feeling great and a teething toddler can be a recipe for disaster. But it's nothing that can't be fixed. And a bad day or two will never change the love I feel for this little boy. Even when he screams and cries the entire time we are at the mall :D. I love him with all my heart- and what could be than waking up to a new day, knowing there is a little boy who loves me, no matter what? Definitely makes everything worth it.

Sinking

I think that word perfectly describes how I feel this week. For the past few weeks I have felt like I was barely keeping my head above water. This week I feel like I have lost the battle. I am sinking.

I will admit to having a good cry tonight. I think the emotions are coming to the surface due to lack of sleep. Aiden screamed (literally) much of the night last night. started as soon as I had settled into bed at 9 to watch Grey's. Needless to say, I didn't have any down time and I have no idea what time we both fell asleep. He even whimpered in his sleep (broke my heart), which meant I held him much of the night and I think we got about 5 hours of sleep last night. He woke up screaming at 6 this morning as I was trying to get ready. So no time for breakfast or 15 minutes of news.

I so needed time last night (or a little time this morning). And of course I want to be there for Aiden. I feel guilty for admitting I was (am) a wreck because I didn't get to unwind from a hard day at school. I would do anything for Aiden. I would give up all of my free time (okay, most?). However, work has been physically and emotionally exhausting this week. I am truly praying for a good night's sleep tonight. Not sure how many people read on Friday nights, but I could use some good sandman thoughts :). Heck, if you are reading Saturday or Sunday, I could probably use the good thoughts then too- it's going to take me a while to catch up on my sleep.

I had a serious crisis with one of my students yesterday. I care so much for them- when they hurt, I hurt. No teenager deserves to be in so much pain as some of my students are. No teenager (hell, no adult) deserves to experience what so many of my kids experience and live every single day. I've been working with students who have emotional disabilities for 10 years. I can't imagine doing anything different for the time being. I put my administrator license and director of special ed license on hold and I wouldn't have it any other way. I have no desire to be in classes right now. I would miss so much time with Aiden and it's not worth it right now. Crap, if I had to take classes right now, I wouldn't be sinking...I would have drowned about a month ago! The demands (which seem to increase by the month) and paperwork that I have now are more than enough. Some weeks it is definitely a thankless job. And, no, I'm not expecting thanks from the students. That's all I say about that. I promise I love my job, but some days it's hard. Some days it feels like I am sinking.

And when I am going on little sleep and I have had an emotionally exhausting week, I notice I lose my patience at home. I get frustrated over the little things. And that makes me feel like a horrible mother. It's SO NOT FAIR to Aiden.

Speaking of horrible, I haven't been feeling the greatest either. On Wednesday I made the resolution to really take control of my diet. I have done an okay job, but I am also an emotional eater. I have done an okay job, but I could do better. I let the stress of the week take control today. I know, I know... tomorrow is a new day. I just hate that my weight has always been such a battle for me. I hate how some days it controls me, controls my self-esteem and determines what kind of day I will have. I know I posted a while ago that my relationship with my weight gotten better- it has, but again, some weeks are harder than others.

Along with my weight, I have some unanswered medical questions. It's so frustrating. I need to get a second opinion, but I didn't even have time to call my doctor's office this week. And it's probably just as well. The nurse completely pissed me off when she called twice- with the exact same results. She didn't find out the answers to my questions after the first call. I know the doctor is to blame- I seriously if he remembers anything from my visit 2 weeks ago. Time to move on but it's been a huge stressor for me this week. Sinking.

Sorry for the downer post...I hate to go 5 days without posting and then post a woe is me post. I just needed to get a few things off of my chest and this is why I haven't posted this week. I need to move on (and up) from here. The tears have dried and I do feel a bit better! Aiden is in bed- he's awake, but hopefully he will fall asleep soon. Praying next week will be better. I got some great pictures of Aiden in the leaves today. Hopefully I will get them off of my camera this weekend.

One Year Ago Today

One year ago today, I had I600 pre-approval for 6 days. The excitement of traveling soon had left the building. But don't doubt for a minute I was not grateful to have my referral and pre-approval.

One year ago today, I was starting to cope with the fact that I would be in Vietnam for Christmas. It was the being in Vietnam for Christmas that bothered me, it was the fact that I would be away from my son for another 6 to 7 weeks.

One year ago today I had no idea that my travel call would actually, instead- 'oh by the way you won't be waiting, your paperwork moved through more quickly then we originally anticipated"- come 3 weeks later!

One year ago today I didn't know that my giving & receiving ceremony was exactly one month away (eek!).

One year ago today I had no idea my breath would be taken away as I reflected on my life with the amazing human being on the 1st of every month.

One year ago today I didn't know how one little guy could bring me such joy, laughter, adventure and love.



11 months as a family, and I am just as thankful as I was on December 1st and I am even more in love (drool and all!).

Happy Halloween!

So many pictures to share...I'll start with tonight's and hopefully do a Halloween highlights sometime next week (or on facebook...who knows). Aiden had lots of practice before the big night. So much so that today he was an one eye duck. Yesterday during the town's trick or treating, Aiden learned to say trick or treat (treat treat). Ah, the power of candy. It sure came in handy tonight. First stop, Gram's house.

Aiden's other new word this week (besides cool)? Cheese! And it usually comes with a pretty good smile!